September 30, 2016
I wrote recently about delusions of the TV talking to you and the resulting grandiosity that you are extremely important because of that, but for the sake of nuance I thought I’d discuss a little more the concept of finding secret messages.
These messages are like indications that you should or shouldn’t do something that come in the form of commercials and songs and media. They’re like the hidden advice you would give to a vulnerable friend. They’re little nudges through connections you make about something being said or a friend’s experience or joke that cuts a little too deep.
Essentially they’re coming from you, but the catalyst is the media you take in. Imagine you are watching TV one night, and there are senators speaking on a panel about the president. Now imagine that, in your head, you think you might be the president and these guys are speaking about you. Further imagine that what they are saying is laden with little references to your life, things you may have never told anybody. Further imagine they’re discussing what they think you should do about certain things.
That kind of scrutiny can, I’m sure be exhausting and I feel for the president in that regard but you are still just some Joe Schmo in some town in the Midwest and these guys, through talking about you and making references to your life, start to tell you things (or in reality start to tell the president things).
Now imagine it’s not just these CNN guys but also songs on the radio, commercials and themes in shows, that are telling you to do things. This may not make sense to a layperson but to anyone who’s experienced it you surely know what I’m talking about.
Sometimes the messages are innocuous, like the fact that you need to work on your health or that you need to eat something; sometimes they’re grandiose, like the notion that you are prophet and you have to travel to the U.N. to spread a word of peace and be ordained as the new ruler of America.
I’m struggling now trying to explain this, but think of the connections like snippets of conversation you overhear at a party. You may be a little paranoid and think that what those people across the room are laughing at is you, and then imagine that paranoia and that delusion on full throttle every second of the day as you watch TV and listen to the radio and browse the internet. It’s a special kind of egoism that goes into schizophrenia to think that everything is about you, but it’s there nonetheless.
You’re left trying to sort out, feverishly, every snippet of conversation, every commercial, every song on the radio, and the implications that were made that have some relevance to events in your life or to instances where you’ve felt vulnerable. Believe me when I say that this is your mind playing tricks on you. You’re just desperately trying to make sense of the things your brain is telling you so you refer to the concrete stable self that you thought existed.
Not everything is about you though and, in truth, most things aren’t about you. The messages you’re getting are functions of a chemical imbalance, and you can trust me on that because I’ve been there and have come out the other side.
I know how confusing it can be, but just know that you have help if you need it, and there are millions of other people who have experienced some iteration of the things you are experiencing. There is usually no deeper meaning to things and, while that may seem incredibly boring, it’s also incredibly freeing because it means nobody’s holding anything against you. Just know, if nothing else, that you’re not alone.