Caring for a Loved One with Alzheimer’s

By Temma Ehrenfeld @temmaehrenfeld

April 19, 2023

Alzheimer's disease is scary, but you don’t need to care for your loved one alone. Here's what should know if you're caring for a loved one with Alzheimer's.

Sometimes, taking care of a loved one with Alzheimer’s makes you feel good because you are giving love and comfort. On other days, you may be overwhelmed with new challenges. Changes often happen slowly over a long period, and you may not realize how much you have taken on.

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Alzheimer's disease is the most common form of dementia. During the first stages, people with Alzheimer’s will forget recent events or the names of familiar people or things. They may no longer be able to do simple math or have trouble making a grocery list and finding items in a store.

Find caregiver support

These are the scary days when you may be on your own with your loved one — doing a bit more each day. Find a support group with people caring for someone at a similar level of functioning. The Alzheimer’s Association (1-800-272-3900) runs support groups, including many who help with early-stage dementia.

Consider calling a geriatric care manager, who will come to your home and suggest what you need. The The Aging Life Care Association (1-520-881-8008) has listings.

Design a schedule that allows you to flourish and keep up with other friends, families, interests, and obligations. The National Adult Day Services Association (1-877-745-1440) can help you find day care to help ease your stress. The group’s service may pick up patients and mind them during the day and return them home.

You can also get a home health aide to come for a few hours a day — increasing hours as needed. Medicare will cover some of the costs.

Before you pick an agency or aide, ask for references from their customers. At Medicare's Home Health Compare, you’ll find local agencies with ratings based on patient surveys and other information.

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Respite care

If you are the main caregiver, make sure you get a holiday. Respite services provide short visits from a few days to a few weeks in a nursing home or other facility. Find them through the National Respite Locator Service. Medicare or Medicaid may cover the cost of up to 5 days in a row of respite care in an inpatient facility.

You’ll need to get practical help before your loved one reaches the middle stages.

People often need help getting dressed and controlling their bladder or bowels.
They may not recognize family members and friends, and they can’t be left alone because they may wander off.
It is often hard to sleep.
They may make threats, accuse others of stealing, curse, kick, hit, bite, scream, or grab things.

In the late stage, patients may not be able to walk or sit up without help. Sometimes they cannot talk, and have trouble swallowing and refuse to eat.

How to care for the caregiver

Even with help, it’s easy to get so busy that you don’t think about yourself. The job becomes even harder when the person you're caring for gets angry with you, hurts your feelings, or forgets who you are. Feeling discouraged, sad, lonely, frustrated, confused, or angry are all part of the picture.

Tell yourself:

I'm doing the best I can.
What I'm doing would be hard for anyone.
I'm not perfect, and that's okay.
I can't control some things that happen.
Sometimes, I just need to do what works for right now.
Even when I do everything I can think of, the person with Alzheimer’s will still have problem behaviors because of the illness, not because of what I do.
I will enjoy the moments when we can be together in peace.