An easier love life may await once you no longer need to worry about pregnancy and your period. Learn here how to have the best sex ever.
People often assume that twenty-somethings have the best sex — the picture is that you’re falling madly in love with new partners while at your most attractive and energetic. But in fact, learning how to have the best sex can happen at any age. Some factors actually favor older couples. It all depends on your health and your circumstances. "Women have their 'sexual peak' when they're feeling the most free, energized, and tuned into their sexuality," says Jane Greer, Ph.D. a New York-based marriage and sex therapist and author of “What About Me? Stop Selfishness from Ruining Your Relationship.”
The first thing to know is that your desire for sexual release can continue into your eighties. In a survey by the North American Menopause Society, 20 percent of women in their eighties reported that they masturbated. The same was true of 36 percent of women in their seventies, 46 percent of women in their sixties, and 54 percent of women in their fifties. Among women in their fifties, 36 percent said they had intercourse at least a few times a month, and 17 percent reported masturbating that often.
Going by those numbers, you’re not “abnormal” if sex just isn’t your thing any more. However, if you want a vibrant sex life in the second half of life, you could enjoy some advantages.
For one thing, you don’t have to worry about your period or getting pregnant. You do, still, have to guard against exposure to sexually transmitted disease, so use a condom if the two of you aren’t monogamous. If your moods fluctuated with your hormones, after menopause you may become more stable and confident.
It’s often the case that older people have more time and less stress. You may no longer be actively building a career. You are less likely to have small children or moody teens. Your children may even be on their own.
If things have gone well, you may have money to spend on vacations, dance classes, or fancy dinners with your spouse.
In a settled relationship, you may not need much time to have a satisfying shared orgasm. According to a March, 2017 survey from the British sex-toy company LoveHoney, simultaneous orgasms are common, especially if one person holds back at little to wait for the other.
As men and women age, their sexual needs tend to converge. Some women become more assertive. Men often slow down and appreciate emotional connection. If you are more relaxed and able to communicate, you can playfully explore, together, how to have the best sex. Check out sex toys. Older men may be more receptive if you like to use vibrators — it’s less pressure on him.
Many women feel their libido fade; in some cases it increases. Remember that you can still enjoy touching and orgasms even if you don’t feel lustful up front. You’ll just take longer to get there.
What can you do to learn how to have the best sex of your life, right now? Go through this checklist of factors that may be getting in the way, and address them.
- Your vagina will become dryer. Intercourse and orgasms will bring blood to your vagina, keeping it healthier. Over-the-counter lubricants can work fine. Some of them heat up, adding to your pleasure. If the vaginal walls are also thinning, you might try estrogen creams or inserts like Vagifem.
- Some women experience pelvic prolapse — when your bladder or another pelvic organ drops and pushes against your vagina. Try intercourse in a sitting position, facing your partner and perched on his lap. Ease onto his penis gently. In this position, you can control the movement.
- Men with erectile dysfunction may be grateful if you pull out that vibrator — you might include him in the activity or not, as you both please.
- Evaluate your medications. Antidepressants and statins can dampen sex drive. Ask your doctor about changing the medication or dose.
- Amp up the exercise. The healthier you feel, the happier you’ll be in bed. Get plenty of sleep, healthful food, and destressing time. You don’t need to be in perfect health to have a strong sex life. For most couples, you do need to value your health and make any needed adjustments.
- Are you and your partner feeling close? Make sure you are clued in to each other’s needs and fears. We all want to feel understood and valued enough that our partners make an effort to please us. There is more than one way to deal well with conflict — think about whether your way as a couple is effective. You may need to take action. You may need to talk things out. Or you may need to stop worrying at the bone, and cultivate patience, trust, and acceptance. Your sex life doesn’t have to decline with age, and can even improve, if you consider sex important.
February 28, 2020
Janet O’Dell, RN